Most of us are aware that we are put here on earth to be tested, if this life is a test than I fear greatly that I am flunking out. We are being tested on how we interact with others, what kind of people we are, how good of parents we are, the service we do for others and the list goes on. Am I making the grade? Maybe a D+ at that.
Interaction with others-hmmm I think I am nice to everyone. At least I try to be. I Genuinely want to be friends with everyone and I absolutely hate it if someone does not like me....which I am sure there are a few. I know I have a strong personality.And when I find a great friend they are always one for life. It is what makes me ..well me. This was not always the case. There was a time I would never speak my mind and now my mind pays way to many visits to my mouth. Does that mean I am getting old? I was told to stop letting people walk all over me and bam! Mind to mouth happens. It is not intended to offend only release the 20 million thoughts that I need to release to make my mind a happy healthy place to live. My husband is always telling me don't say that or you crossed the line. When I think to myself " I did not think what I just wrote or said was bad." So lesson learned- Everyone interprets things differently so be careful what you say.
what kind of a person am I?- I think I am kind, giving,over achieving & friendly person. But I am also loud, unforgiving at times, take way too much offense to things,self criticizing and can be very short with my family because my plate is so full. Which list is bigger the good or the bad? I am sure I left a lot out. What kills me is we all have the good the bad and the ugly, so why is it that some people think they are better than others? Why because I live here and not there am I not worth taking the time to get to know?It was like a light bulb moment for me. I have been teaching my children that they must be liked, they must have lots of friends, when in all actuality WHO Cares!!! Who cares if the girl with the cutest clothes likes them, who cares if someone does not want to play with them at recess. NO One person is better than another. This is what I should have been teaching them as their parent. Yes I have taught them we be kind to everyone no matter what, but I was also forcing them to be someone i thought they should be perfect,popular, kind,giving. I never stopped to think they might have a few things on that not so perfect side too. My girls are sweet, they are honest with me- even when they don't want to be, they have darling personalities and I don't care who likes them, all I care about is if they are being who they truly are and if that person is a good person than they will draw in the right friends, they will have self pride and they will be better rounded individuals.I love all there friends. I think I got off track on teaching them the importance of treating everyone with respect even though I believe they do. So lesson learned- Let your kids be who they are, teach them a righteous way to live and don't expect them to be any better than we are.
I really try to be a good parent, I try to teach them right from wrong but I also am not always the greatest example to them, If a girlfriend calls to gossip I am quick to want to listen, but yet my words to them are never gossip about anyone it gets you into trouble. So why do we as humans love to hear it, why do we find it necessary?I don't want gossip to be a part of my life. So I too am like a child needing to hear it once in a while. I have found myself telling my girls to say little white lies if it protects them, till my daughter says no mom I cant say that that would be lying....ok slap in face parenting job- FAIL! Or having my kids come to me with exciting news from their day and I say I am working I will talk to you in a bit. Do you think that news will be as exciting to them when I am ready? You all are going to read this and think what kind of Mother is she? I do good things too. I am very supportive of them, I give them and show them love daily, and do teach them gospel principals...so don't hate me fully. Lesson learned- they are always watching, always wanting your acceptance and always wanting your attention and you know what they deserve it! We only have our kids with us for a short while.
Service- Aren't I covered if I offer a free photoshoot a year or make a family dinner in the ward maybe twice a year, Aren't I covered if I have put more hours in for the school PTA than what I have time for? Answer- NO! When Is the last time I did something nice for someone just to do it, when is the last time I went to ward service day and cancelled my work, whens the last time I went visiting teaching? Please don't answer that Melissa!This is one area I know I need to work on. I pray every night.. and please let me be of service today. How many promptings am I missing? Lesson learned- serve others your children will than learn of it's importance and be more willing to serve. Even if it is cleaning there room, I will takie it!
So i have babbled and I am not sure if anyone actually made it through this entire post but I needed this. To get real with myself. I hate fake! I hate it when people pretend to be one way and than are the other. I am who I am good, bad and ugly. My girls are who they are and I am going to accept them no matter what.I tell them if you want to have people be nice to you than you need to be nice yourself. And I plan on taking my own advice.I plan on being a little nicer to my family.After all they deserve the best of me.they are who I will spend eternity with. And I am not going to worry anymore about what others think of me or my family because We are all human and none of us are better than anyone else. Scott will be glad to hear that because what others think of me has consumed my thoughts. So what if someone doesn't come back to me to do their hair, there are others that do still come, who cares if people do not like my photography... I love it! And who cares if they think We don't dress high fashion. We pay to live day by day and give our children the necessities in life. who cares if all the group of ladies exclude me from a conversation, I have fabulous friends who I love to chat with and we have great phone and laughs together. And that is getting Honest with myself.