Friday, January 28, 2011

Mental anxiety in children ( venting my thoughts)

Our family has been dealing with some very tough issues lately. Not only do I have anxiety and have had it for Years, I have noticed some of the same tendancies in my girls for the last year or so. It was not till the last month or so that it became apparent that it has taken over their lives. One of the girls is currently having to see a therapist and we are not making too much progress.Hours of crying at nights and trying to relieve some stress. What makes it worse are the girls at school that cause so much trouble for them it is rediculous. I have a few that talk to me so disrespectfully on facebook etc. that it makes me wonder how they talk to their own parents
 If there getting along its all good but the minute they fight the entire 5th grade is put against... you guessed it them. A set of twin boys actually threw grapes at them in the cafeteria while the other girls just laughed. It seriously reminds me of the movie Mean girls with Lindsey Lohan. I just keep telling the girls you be the Nice popular not the bratty ones.They tell me if your nice around those girls you will never be popular. This is 5th grade!!! What the?????? Who cares? They are so stinkin cute they do not need any of that.
There is much stress over school and school work. My girls have always been at the very top of the class coming home with straight 4's which is above grade level. One is now 2's and three's..which is not bad mind you, but I have seen how it is affecting their school work.One doesn't even think she is smart anymore because she blacks out in math.
So the question is what do I do as a mother? I cannot home school I am not smart enough .lol. I do not want to teach my kids to escape their problems either. We will continue to seek therapy. i am done talking to other kids parents it gets us nowhere and I hate confrontations they actually give me anxiety. Prayer has been what I am turning too.
 It is so hard to see your children suffer. It is so hard to think I may have caused a lot of their fears and anxieties as well. While Scott was working in Nevada for two years I would lock us all in my room and put a chair behind the door. This was my anxiety coming through. What did that teach my children at such a young age? to be afraid of the world. I hate it that I did that! I have since learned how to control my anxiety and fear holds no place currently for me, but my sweet girls have it and it is ripping our hearts into pieces for them.
To hear a child say "I hate the world it is evil" , " why do we even have to have school or why do we even need friends?", " I wish I could just die and never have these problems", these words should never be heard from an 11 year old. I really hope therapy works and I more than hope that parents teach their children to love one another.I know kids will be kids and kids are cruel, But there has got to be something wrong with todays society for it to start so young. I never ever remember elementary school being a stressful time in my life as it has been for my children.
What kills me is that my girls have so much going for them and they do not even see it anymore. Thank goodness we do have the few dance teachers, school teachers and us of course Scott and I to remind them of their self worth or I am afraid what the consequences may be. Especially when they say they would rather be dead.
I always thought those girls would have it easy. Everyone seemed to like them where ever they went. Until this last year.It reminds me of a rumor started about me in High school that ruined one year of it for me. But that was 11th grade not grade school.
So i will continue on this road of seeking after the Lords help in knowing what is the right thing to do. Nothing is more important to me than the mental health of my family.


Klin said...

Call me ASAP!!!

The Walch Family said...

I remember some real drama in 5th grade. The children are in a transitory stage where they're not little, but they're not grown either. They're forming and deciding who they are. I think you're doing all you can. Sometimes life gets hard, but you are helping your girls by getting therapy so they can learn to deal appropriately with these issues.

I think one of the greatest things you can do for them, too, is just teach them to turn to the Lord. Your prayers are doing wonders for the girls, I'm sure. They need to learn to say their own prayers and recognize the peace that comes from the Lord. If they can do that (especially if they know they can silently pray during hard times at school), their anxiety and stress can be lessened.

I'm a very high stress person. I had my first ulcer in second grade because I stressed so much about getting straight A's. I'm also introverted and not super gifted in social situations. School was hard, but my parents talked with me and let me vent to them and they taught me to turn to the Lord.

Good luck with your girls. They're sweethearts and hopefully all works out well for them.

Abigail said...

Danielle I am so sorry that you are having to deal such hard ships. Girls are SO mean, and it starts at such a yound age. I think it is so hard for kids to understand that what happens now will reflect on them later. I always tell Allie to just always be nice and a good friend. My Austin deals with OCD (because of me) and it is so hard to see them struggle with those lovely genes that are past on to them.I agree with your friend, teach them that they can pray any where even if it just a little prayer in there hearts. Sounds like your doing the things that best for them. I will keep you in my prayers and i hope that things get better for you and your cute little girls.

Natalie said...

so sad. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. They are lucky to have each other and amazing parents that will help them through this. Girls can be so mean. It's horrible that it starts so young. It's got to be so hard watching them go through this.

Jesicca said...

As a mom I am certain it is painful to watch your little ones struggle and have to deal with the pressures of life at a young age. They should be focusing on playing and having fun, not crying and being worried about school. I know that they are smart, talented and funny little girly girls and we adore and love them. I am with Nat, they have each other, they have you and they have us on their side. You are in our thoughts and prayers. XOXO

Shelly said...

I haven't looked at others blogs in awhile. I'm sorry you are going through all this too. It hurts to watch your own children hurt. I started getting therapy for Jesslyn at the beginning of the school year because she was saying the same about not wanting to be on this earth anymore and of course feeling the same way about how others treated her. This has been going on for years but this year I couldn't see her feel this way anymore. I don't feel like it was just a phase like I had in the past. We have even contemplated sending her to another school. Ryan and I do everything that we know how to teach our children to treat others kindly and with respect. The kids also need to stand up for themselves and what is right. You are doing the right thing by turning to prayer. I can't think of anything more powerful in guiding our children to choose the right. I hope you know that Jesslyn is trying her hardest to be the best she can be and we are trying to be good parents. All of this is a learning process. I know trials are hard but we can make it through if we ask for our Heavenly Father's help. I'll keep you all in my prayers! :)

Danielle Christiansen said...

Shelley I never ever doubt you and Ryan as doing the right thing in well as others I just cant imagine my kids throwing food etc at other kids which Im sure you know who the two boys I am talking about are. This has been so hard for us to deal with as parents, i think that more and more kids are feeling the same way. We have such strong personalities on our hands. I do not think that any one of these kids is to blame, I think it is a combination of many things. Weather it be jealousy,wanting acceptance,feelings of inadequacy or what. You are right though prayer is the only thing getting me through this. I hope all these kids can learn to interact with each other in a loving manner but we do not live in a perfect world unfortunately.
If you have any advice for me from dealing with it with Jesslyn I would love to hear it. I hope our girls can remain friends for many years to come, I just know they all love each other but their personalities are all strong and in different ways.

Shilo said...

I have come to the conclusion that girls are much harder to raise then boys. You are right there is just way to much drama and of course they always want to be popular. I have had quite a few challanges with Kilynn only for me they started in 1st grade. This past 2 years have been the hardest. Especially since she has to take medication at lunch time and all of the kids were making fun of her and telling her how stupid she was for taking it and so she would come home lying to me and being so disrespectful and it broke my heart. I was angry with her but even more angry with the other kids for being that way. Sometimes I feel like I have done everything that I can and it just isn't enough. She came to me out of the blue a couple of months ago and told me that she was going to change and be a better person and so far the change has been amazing. I only hope it will last. I admire you Danielle and I think you do such an amazing job with everything that you do. Your girls are beautiful and they take after their mother and I think that the best thing that we can do is be there for them always!

Lynn L. said...

After going to many different schools and dealing with many types I've found one very important lesson-or maybe 2or3.One your feelings are your own no one can hurt them if you put little importance on who is saying these mean things they no longer carry any power. Two -direct eye contact-funny how most people rarely look into your eyes when talking to you especially when they are taunting-don't break contact first if possible-hey animals have been using that rule for ions. Three -leave your uniqueness at home-what your family may think is cute probably won't fly with 5th graders or later in H.S.-so many times I've seen the kids that insist on talking strangely (high pitched,too quietly),or sharing 'immature hobbies' etc and wonder why they are teased-Finally religion is your own and should not be shared at school unless your parents have paid to send you to a private your religion only based school.I've have raised 2 well adjusted daughters doing great in their twentys.If any of this helped there is more @ Myisms on Blogger.

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